Balances and Meetings and Terror

There is so much going on in my mind, right now!!

I'll start with money things. Praise be to God, I received notice today that my district LWML has voted to give me the $500 I requested for my trip!! This means that I'm stilla bout $600 short of my goal, which is a total of $3,500. Please keep me in your prayers. God always provides, but it's still nerve-wracking not to know how I'm going to get there.

We had our mission meeting today! We talked about important things, and I'm realizing as I type this that we leave in just a little over a month - holy dear goodness. I'm so excited to go back! Reuniting with Karen and Pastor Reehl just reminded me of all the great times we had! My emotions took a dive when I started looking at pictures, which leads me into my next topic: terror.

I'm going back. All those awful situations that I've described, all those faces that I've worried over and prayed over, all that pain that I don't believe any human should go through, all the abuse and neglect that I had to work through last summer - I'm going back. And I'm scared. So very, very scared.

I love those people, I really do. But now I know so much more about what I'm going to see. I'm going to notice when babies aren't there anymore. I'm going to notice in the hospital which beds have different faces, and wonder what happened to the old ones.

I really am excited, and have no idea what God has planned. But please, please pray for me, for the people who I have met, for the people who I will meet. I only want the chance to spread God's love and His Word, but now I'm terrified of seeing change, of wondering if people are still alive, or looking at my babies like Anya and Alona and wondering if, once they're 18, if they'll have a life beyond the streets. I'm scared of going back to the hospital knowing the conditions that they live in. I'm scared of going to the orphanages for the kids who are disabled and knowing, as I reach out and hold hands or rub backs, that those kids have no future, and I'm going to walk away and come back happy and healthy. I know so much more about the future of those kids than I did going into it last year, and I have no idea how I'm going to handle it. By the grace of God, it will be with even more love and servitude than last year.

This year's going to be great, no doubt. But I will need my God to get me through, and I thank Him, because I know He will.

Blessings on all that you do!