Today we went to two orphanages, Priozersk 1 and Priozersk 2. The first one is for mentally handicapped children. We only met kids who were mobile, though some were much more independent than others. We didn't meet any bed-ridden kids. I adopted a sweet girl named Irene who was in a wheelchair. She was a sweetheart who immediately called me Mamma. I helped her blow bubbles for several minutes before we had to leave.
The only thing I disliked about today's first orphanage was the hygiene. The children seemed clean, but not by the standards we would expect in such an establishment. On the upside, the staff was very friendly, both to us and the kids. They seem to really love their job.
At the second orphanage, we gave away several Bibles. I gave one to a girl named Luva. She was very shy, but her friend began to follow me everywhere. She and I ended up hanging out the rest of the time I was there. Her name is Anya, and she's super sweet, and loves to give hugs. I decided to adopt her as well!
Today's major downside was trying to look at my pictures after we left the 2nd orphanage, only to discover that my camera or memory card deleted all but six pictures. I lost pictures with my family, pictures with my friends and the orphans, and pictures of Russia itself. It was definitely hard to swallow, but I have amazing friends on this trip who are willing to send me all their pictures. [Side note: I was able to retrieve my pictures recently! I didn't get all of them back, but I did get some important ones that I am so very grateful for!! Praise God!]
I've figured out why it's so hard for me to leave these kids behind, other than their innocent smiles and their sweet dispositions. Every person in their life has left. They're in these orphanages because their parents were incapable, inconsiderate, or simply died and left their children with no other option.
The staff members, who the kids take into their hearts and learn to love, don't stay around forever. Even the kids they live with are never constant, getting moved from orphanage to orphanage or growing up and leaving. And then we come in, offering Bibles, gifts, smiles, and hugs. These kids, like Anya, fall completely in love with us, only to have us leave within an hour, or less. They have nobody constant in their lives. Everybody they know leaves. I simply can't wrap my head around growing up in that kind of environment.
The other thing that bothers me is the future of the kids at the mentally-challenged institutions. I've seen kids who have to be held up to walk, who can't see, who can't walk, who have no way to feed or clothe themselvs. Once they turn eighteen, they get put in what Pastor calls "human warehouses". They get put in these facilities, and then they lay there until they die. One of the reasons the average human life expectancy is so low is because they average in the people who go to the warehouses.
All these kids that I'm falling in love with at the handicap orphanages, they have no idea, no choice, no control over their future. They're already doomed, even happy, smiling, huggy little Irene. She has no idea. And I feel so powerless to stop it! All I can do is make her smile for a few minutes, and then walk away. This is where we have to leave the rest to God! We have no other choice. We can't change this country. We can only change one life at a time, just like in the Starfish Story:
While walking on the beach one day,
I saw Starfish by the shore.
And everywhere I looked, it seemed,
I saw a thousand more.
Then what to my surprise appeared?
A boy of nine or ten;
and as the Starfish washed ashore,
he threw them back again.
I smiled at such a futile task to save the population.
"One fish won't make a difference, son. You can't change this situation."
He stooped and picked up one more fish, then looking right at me,
"I can make a difference for this one, sir," and returned it to the sea.
So I went and gathered all my friends, my brothers and my cousins.
We joined in with that little boy and saved Starfish by the dozens.
There are many to be rescued - many "Starfish" on life's shore.
Let's make a difference like that lad - by saving just one more.
--C.A. Milbrandt
That's about the only thing that keeps me going, is thinking about my four "starfish" that I've reached out to, how I can only hope that those smiles will stay engraved in my mind. I can only pray fervently that the kids at the handicap places will meet a better fate than what the government has planned for them. I can only remember that our wonderful, almighty Abba (Aramaic for "daddy",) is a just and loving God who will never leave His children, who will never forsake them. I have to give my four little girls to Him, or spend the rest of my life worrying myself sick over where they are or how they're doing. God knows where they are. He will always take care of them, and I can only pray that we can be a true family in heaven, with Him.
"Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him... Fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out." --Romans 12:1-2, MSG
"One cannot collect all the beautiful shells on the beach. One can collect only a few, and they are more beautiful if they are few." --Anne Morrow Lindbergh
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